Joyful22's Xanga

'It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace...'

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:34:21 GMT

This song honestly says the basic jist of how my heart feels these days. Everytime I hear it on the radio, I get teary eyed and want to pull over to the side of the road just to spend some time with Jesus.

Sanctus Real - "Whatever You're Doing"

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

change of plans

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:50:32 GMT

It has been a few months since my last update and some things have changed for me. I have been meaning to write a general note about it for a while now, but couldn't figure out what to say because I don't want it to sound like an "I-need-money"-support-letter type of note. However, my last note is just not accurate anymore so I must share what's new for those inquiring minds out there!

I am no longer looking for a full-time job. I am now a barista at Starbucks. Why as a college grad am I working part time for minimum wage (plus tips)? Because I heard from God and I'm going to be an intern at my church in San Diego (thecitysd.org). Starting in September, I will be doing a 9 month internship that is in some ways similar to what I did at Teen Mania - Bible classes and practicum time. The main difference is that this internship is at the local church level, not a huge multi-faceted ministry.

God has already shown some rad provision because a few people have already committed to supporting me and I haven't even asked anyone yet! I have also been blessed with a bed and a place to live and much more. I am moving out of my parents' house this week into a house full of my friends from church and I will be believing God for intern payments, rent, gas, car payments, cell phone payments, food, and whatever else comes up. (I'm working at Starbucks because they give health benefits for part-time employees.)

This is exciting and faith-stretching! To be honest, it has been a bit humbling just because I did two years of internship at Teen Mania and just graduated from a Christian college, so at times it feels like a step or two backwards. However, I know I heard from God and how in the world can I say no to my Beloved?

My Theology Professor at SDCC once said that a truly successful life is one of obedience to Christ no matter what. I remember hearing that and telling God that I want to live that kind of life. Here's a chance to do that! Who knows what obedience will mean in seasons to come! A life surrendered to God never has a dull moment, that's for sure!

So, that's my update! I appreciate any and all prayers sent my way! Be blessed y'all!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:39:34 GMT

Leave it to Ted Dekker to be used by God to open up my eyes and teach me something new and relevant.

This book Chosen is a a teen novel with some pretty deep spiritual truths packed in there. The main character, Johnis, has to make a huge decision about whether he is going to just do what was asked of him or go beyond that to what is needed of him.

I definitely have been searching my heart with a similar sort of dillemma. There are so many ministries that I catch the vision for and so many organizations that are reaching out in ways I would love to be involved, but where do I fit? What direction do I point my life that would be of the most use to the Kingdom?

In the context of the story, Johnis had to decide between saving ten thousand now or hundreds of thousands later. Though the present circumstances were dire and he could have saved them, he had to decide not to in order to save the masses.

My decisions may not have that sort of life or death, melodramatic impact (that I know of), but I do have to decide between what I want to take a part in changing - the micro or the macro problems of life.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this and seek God for understanding, but lets just say I am in the midst of a paradigm shift that will probably shape years to come. How cool is that?

Honestly, having a finite mind and seeking the infinite God always has its exciting twists and turns!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Mon, 19 May 2008 06:12:28 GMT

So now that I have been graduated from college for two weeks, I thought I should probably type an update.

I am on the job hunt right now for a Human Resources/Administrative job. My original plan was to go straight into my masters degree in the fall, but I had absolutely no peace about that for a real long time so I prayed and heard from God. I am going to wait on grad school for a few years and get a full time well-paying job to start paying some bills and student loans off. I am sending out resumes and using a staffing agency to get my name out there. So I'm believing I will have the right position very soon.

A good friend of mine, Brittne, and I are planning to move out together in the fall. She just got a job as a 3rd grade teacher so we're in similar seasons of life. We went apartment shopping today and saw a few possibilities!

I am also changing ministries at church in this transition which, for me, was a difficult but necessary decision. At my church, Generation Church (ages 12-24) is a fantastic ministry that I have loved being a part of, but starting in June, I will be moving into the Young Professionals ministry which will be a new and exciting adventure. I'm also still singing on the worship team once a month and watching babies in the nursery all the other Sundays during first service. Playing with babies is seriously therapeutic for me. I love it!

I'm really excited about this new season. It all seems so foggy right now, but I know I'm on the right path no matter how blurred my vision might be at the moment. It's weird to see myself moving into the career world because I have never pictured myself as the businesswoman type. I still don't really see that in me, but when has that ever played into the plans God has for me? It has never been about my vison but His. I like that I can lean on His understanding and not try to figure it all out. Someone recently told me I need to keep my childlike faith that has had some shakes in the last year or so; I really needed that exhortation. Yes, not everything always makes sense and sometimes its easier to cope with injustice and uncertainty by making justifications or switching philosophies or even core beliefs, but that is such a distortion of Truth on the basis of one's finite experiential perspective. I would rather stick to the One who time and time again proves His Omnipotence and Omniscience and eternality. Becoming jaded, uprooted, and moved by the winds of culture is just not an option and seems utterly foolish when faced with the Truth of the Savior King who has fulfilled prophecy and shown love too true for most of us to fathom. I personally know Him, talk to Him, and He talks back. I'm not crazy and this isn't some crutch I cling to in order to make sense of the world. It's true beyond a shadow of a doubt and once you've tasted of pure, authentic Truth, nothing else satisfies or measures up.

Casting Crowns wrote a song that has spoke to my heart through many different seasons. I was listening to it today...

"But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story

The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid

The Voice of Truth says this is for My glory

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth"

Changes

Sat, 10 May 2008 20:29:59 GMT

Last Saturday, I graduated from college.

In honor of this huge transition season, I had my hair chopped real short.

I have never had my hair this short before and I like it.

I don't have any pictures yet but it turned out a little bit like Paige Davis' hair on Trading Spaces

My hair is naturally wavy so it definitely flips out all cute like.

It's fun, summery, and can't be put in a pony tail!

:o)

A little change with do me good!

You know you live in San Diego when...

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 02:14:30 GMT

...when you go for a walk at 6:30pm and come home with a tan.

The Way I See it...

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 23:36:26 GMT

I've been thinking about love & romance today and I came to the conclusion that my views on it are all pretty well summed up in the 1968 version of the movie "Yours, Mine, & Ours" (though I certainly don't want that many children!!!). Henry Fonda is Frank Beardsley and he marries Helen North (Lucille Ball). Helen's teenage daughter wants to know what it means to love someone so her new step-dad, Frank tells her in this scene, while his very pregnant wife Helen is being rushed to the hospital:

Colleen North: Larry says he'll never speak to me again unless I grow up. He says that I'm being ridiculous and I don't love him, but I do love him. Am I being ridiculous?
Frank Beardsley: You're not being ridiculous.
Colleen North: Well, do all the other girls, like Larry says? And am I just being old-fashioned?
Frank Beardsley: The same idiots were passing the same rumors when I was your age, but if all the girls did, how come I always ended up with the ones who didn't?
Colleen North: But it's all different now!
Frank Beardsley: I don't know, they wrote Fanny Hill in 1742 and they haven't found anything new since.
Veronica Beardsley: Who's Fanny Hill?
Frank Beardsley: Go to bed, that's who Fanny Hill is.
Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...
Frank Beardsley: I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.
HelenNorth: What are you two talking about?
Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.
HelenNorth: Not now!
Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.
[to Colleen]
Frank Beardsley: It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.
[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]
Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?
HelenNorth: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.
Frank Beardsley: If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it's going to be explained right here!

yum.

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:32:12 GMT

This post is dedicated to the creator of the Tagalong Girl Scout cookie

Thank you.

life

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 05:46:17 GMT

As I was driving in my car today, I was thinking of all the things that would be way more fun to do than my routinized, scheduled, compartmentalized present life.

¶ I could put on my prettiest dress, let my hair down and run to the nearest park. Once there I would twirl in the grass, barefoot, so that my dress moved with the wind to make that beautiful twirling motion and my hair would fly all over the place.

¶ I could grab a blanket and drive down by miramar airbase, lay on the blanket and watch all the awesome military jets fly by with their fancy magical maneuvers.

¶ I could go driving to random houses and leave $5 in their mailboxes.

¶ I could go to a nursing home and ask to spend time with the people least often visited.

¶ I could buy a Chocolate Labrador puppy and train him to be my constant companion. I’d name him Max.

¶ I could drive to the airport and take a flight to an unknown destination, taking precautionary measures to make sure I didn’t know where I was going till I got there.

¶ I could go to the hospital and take a shift holding babies.

¶ I could hole up at a nearby monastery for a few days and spend some quality time with my Beloved.

¶ I also dreamed of visiting all of my friends all over the world and also visiting Teen Mania mainly just so I could run through the back 40 at sunset and then lay on my back in the gazebo, listening to the sounds of creation.

Those were just a few thoughts. But alas, I have 74 days until I graduate and then I will do the whole job search thing and find a 9-5 career. Then I will have my week nights and weekends to start down my list of dreams.

“We live, we love, we forgive and never give up

Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above

And today we remember to live and to love”

-Superchick

Venting

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 23:13:14 GMT

To all the tailgaters in the world,

If you are the type of person that feels the need to drive on someone else's bumper to make the statement that you want to go faster, I have some words for you. I understand that you may be in a hurry or that you have a lead foot and need to really let loose on the road. The problem is that I don't appreciate when you express this need for speed by driving so close to the backside of my car that I can look in my rearview mirror and see how many zits are on your nose. I'm guessing that you are probably a very kind, considerate person outside of your vehicle, but once you get behind that wheel it is quite the opposite. It is honestly inappropriate behavior for a grown man or woman to act so selfishly impatient to the point of endangering others. You might even find that this behavior does not always bring the desired results. Many, like myself, will plainly ignore the irritation directly behind them while at other times gradually slow down to express their disapproval of such bratty behavior. The reasoning behind this slowing down is to make a statement, just like your tailgating makes a statement. You see, since we are in our cars with no other form of communication, our actions in our cars speak for us. The slowing down statement is "I will not be bullied and I will not reward your inappropriate behavior." The statement tailgating gives is "My life is much more important than yours so do me a favor and get out of my way!" The funniest thing about it is that most of the time I am driving faster than the posted speed limit and I still end up with vehicles on my rear end! Do the world a favor and practice just the slightest amount of patience for the sake of drivers like myself who would rather not drive than be on the road with this type of person. As I said before, I'm sure outside of your vehicle, you are all things sweet and pleasant so I appreciate the time you have spent reading my words and I hope that the next time we meet, it will not be on my bumper.

Thank you,

Joy Veale